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Tools to help you include Bull's Eye Business Writing (a self-paced workbook) and How To Improve Your Business Reading Skills (also on CD-ROM)--all from Basic Learning Systems, Inc. 888-204-3600 * See our Web site at http://www.basic-learning.com
Tip #221: Avoid words that put your readers on the defensive. Here are some phrases to avoid: ·You claim ·You allege ·You neglected ·I insist ·I cannot permit ·I cannot believe ********************************************************* Rewrite the following trite expressions: 1. This will acknowledge receipt of your letter. 2. After giving due consideration to each manuscript, we have made a selection. 3. Allow me to express our appreciation for your suggestions. 4. I plan to speak along these lines. ********************************************************* Last week, Marvia E. Rankin asked the following: I know it is vague to say, "in accordance with your letter of". Would it be better to say, "in reference" or "per your letter of" ?. ***** Ita B. commented: 'In accordance with' means you are carrying out an instruction. 'With reference to' is better. 'Per' means, to; for; or by each. So why would you use it to open a letter? Why not just write, 'In answer to your letter dated, etc.'... ***** Adrivit Roy commented: These are the classic examples of "Cliche" in business writing. However, these cliches were originated for formal writing, but these are getting extinct in American business correspondence. Cliche: "In reference to your letter dated July 17, we are happy to..." Reader-friendly version: "We received your letter on July 17 and we are happy to ..." **** R T Groce commented: With regard to Marvia Rankin's question, what's wrong with "with regard to?" Or "Thanks for your letter of?" Or "I appreciate your letter?" Or anything else that sounds friendly, professional yet non-stuffy. Whenever I see a letter that begins "Per" I make the unfair assumption that I am about to read an uninspired letter from a half-thinking person who is so caught up in business routine that he, or she, would be incapable of saying anything worthwhile. Let's dump stuffy stock phrases and start writing naturally, in a way that invites someone to want to do business with us. ********************************************************* "Shoot for the moon. If you happen to miss, you'll still land among the stars." (Ivy McLemore) If you would like to receive the FREE weekly tips by e-mail, contact tips@basic-learning.com and write "Sign Me Up" in the subject line. http://www.basic-learning.com |
Tip #222: Use English words rather than French or Latin
terms, and single-syllable words rather than multisyllable terms. Example: Substitute For A day per diem A year per annum Essential sine qua non Genuine bona fide Reason for raison d'être ********************************************************* Weekly practice: (Please do not use bold or italics to indicate your answers because it does not always show up on all computers). Which is the correct use of the preposition "in" and "on"? 1. They visited relatives (on, in) Omaha, located (on, in) the great state of Nebraska, one of the largest states (on, in) the United States. 2. The stray animal found itself (on, in) a box (on, in) the large house (a place with limits). 3. Three friends decided to meet (on, in) June 10. In case of bad weather, they would meet (on, in) June 14. ********************************************************* Linda Sallee commented: Gloria, I guess I was surprised you didn't point out to your readers that "per" should not be used for "according to" or "in accordance with." In my business grammar class, I follow William Sabin's rule from the Gregg Reference Manual: "Per", a Latin word, is often used to mean "by the," as in 28 miles per gallon (mpg) or 55 miles per hour (mph). Whenever possible, substitute "a" or "an"; for example, at the rate of $8 an hour, 75 cents a liter. " Per" must be retained, of course, in Latin phrases: for example, "per diem" (by the day) or "per capita" (for each person; literally, by the head). Note: Do not use "per" in the sense of "according to" or "in accordance with." Why not use "a" or "an" instead of "per" in the mpg or mph (28 miles a gallon or 55 miles an hour)? If you do, it is much easier to remember that the only time you should use per is in a Latin term. This error is wide-spread, and it's one people can't seem to break. However, it's incorrect, and the use of "per" weakens the message. As R. T. Said, "Let's start writing naturally." Try writing as if the person were sitting in front of you and you were talking to them. How many of us would say, "Per your request"? I think your weekly tips are right on target, and each week I add them to my reference material for the courses I facilitate. I didn't expect to respond about this topic, but the per situation is one that comes up often. ********************************************************* Last week's practice: Rewrite the following trite expressions: 1. This will acknowledge receipt of your letter. 2. After giving due consideration to each manuscript, we have made a selection. 3. Allow me to express our appreciation for your suggestions. 4. I plan to speak along these lines. Rewrites: 1. We received your letter. 2. After considering each manuscript, we have made a selection. 3. Thank you for your suggestions. 4. I plan to discuss (the latest use of computers.) ****** Here is a comment from Rochelle Mikulas: "In response to cliche phrases, I think it is too bad that we are letting go of structure to let everything be 'reader-friendly.' It makes it difficult to tell writing from speaking. Speaking is often sloppy, which is fine, but not always concise and well communicated. Business writing should show that one is efficient with words. Yes, be pleasant, but it is a letter, not a conversation." ****** "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." (Eleanor Roosevelt) If you would like to receive the FREE weekly tips by e-mail, contact tips@basic-learning.com and write "Sign Me Up" in the subject line. http://www.basic-learning.com |
Tip #223: The subjunctive tense of a verb is the
"wishful thinking" tense. It always uses the verbs "were" and "would." Example: If I were working at Bloomingdales, I would have a 20% discount on my clothes. If you were young again, you would have more hair. If I were you, I would move to the mountains. ********************************************************* Weekly practice: Change these negative sentences to more positive-sounding sentences: 1. I'm sorry you had to wait so long. 2. I would hate to see you experience a problem like this again. ********************************************************* Last week's practice: Which is the correct use of the preposition "in" and "on"? 1. They visited relatives (on, in) Omaha, located (on, in) the great state of Nebraska, one of the largest states (on, in) the United States. 2. The stray animal found itself (on, in) a box (on, in) the large house (a place with limits). 3. Three friends decided to meet (on, in) June 10. In case of bad weather, they would meet (on, in) June 14. Answers: 1. They visited relatives (in) Omaha, located (in) the great state of Nebraska, one of the largest states (in) the United States. 2. The stray animal found itself (in) a box (in) the large house (a place with limits). 3. Three friends decided to meet (on) June 10. In case of bad weather, they would meet (on) June 14. ********************************************************* More on "Per": Suzanne Cole comments: In response to Linda Sallee's comments on William Sabin's rule on the use of "per" (Gregg Reference Manual): I would hesitate to latch onto a single reference manual to define the rules of our language and dismiss all other possibilities. "Per" means "for each" or "by each" or simply "by" (as in "per diem," which translates to "by a day" where the word "diem" means "a day"). It also means: * to indicate the agent, instrument, or means, through, by, by means of * to designate the reason, cause, inducement, etc., through, for, by, on account of, for the sake of (Charlton T. Lewis, Charles Short, A Latin Dictionary)
It's a powerful little word, very useful, and can be properly applied
in phrases such as "per your request" -- regardless of cliche. http://www.basic-learning.com |
Tip #224: According to Jack Griffin's book, How to say It
at Work, use the following phrases when communicating with your colleagues: Get your opinion Constructive criticism Value your opinion Work together Team effort What do you need? ********************************************************* Rewrite the following sentence fragments: 1. We reorganized the department, distributing the work load more evenly. 2. The field tests showed the prototype to be extremely rugged. The most durable we've tested this year. 3. We have one major goal this month. To increase the strength of the alloy without reducing its flexibility. ********************************************************* Last week's practice: Change these negative sentences to more positive-sounding sentences: 1. I'm sorry you had to wait so long. 2. I would hate to see you experience a problem like this again. Suggested answers: 1. Thank you for being so patient. 2. I feel confident this situation will not arise again. ********************************************************* Whenever ideas are shared, the result is always greater than the sum of the parts. (Rich Willis) If you would like to receive the FREE weekly tips by e-mail, contact tips@basic-learning.com and write "Sign Me Up" in the subject line. http://www.basic-learning.com |
Tip # 225: The phrase "reason is because" is a
colloquial expression to be avoided in writing. "Because", which in this phrase only repeats the notion of cause, should be replaced by "that." ********************************************************* Rewrite the following: 1. Sales have increased more than 20 percent. The reason is because our sales force has been more aggressive this year. 2. The weather has been unseasonably warm. The reason is because the ozone layer around earth is thinning. ********************************************************* Last week's exercise: Rewrite the following sentence fragments: 1. We reorganized the department, distributing the work load more evenly. 2. The field tests showed the prototype to be extremely rugged. The most durable we've tested this year. 3. We have one major goal this month. To increase the strength of the alloy without reducing its flexibility. Here are the rewrites: 1. We reorganized the department, distributing the work load more evenly. 2. The field tests showed the prototype to be extremely rugged, the most durable we've tested this year. 3. We have one major goal this month: to increase the strength of the alloy without reducing its flexibility. If you would like to receive the FREE weekly tips by e-mail, contact tips@basic-learning.com and write "Sign Me Up" in the subject line. http://www.basic-learning.com |
Tip #226: Do not use vague adjectives when specific ones
are needed. For example: Vague: We received numerous inquiries. Better: We received 145 inquiries. ********************************************************* Rewrite the following sentence so it is clear and parallel: In Florida, where the threat of hurricanes is an annual event, we learned that it is important (1) to become aware of the warning signs, (2) There are precautions to take, and (3) deciding when to take shelter is important. ********************************************************* Last week's exercise: Rewrite the following: 1. Sales have increased more than 20 percent. The reason is because our sales force has been more aggressive this year. 2. The weather has been unseasonably warm. The reason is because the ozone layer around earth is thinning. The suggested rewrites: 1. Sales have increased more than 20 percent this year because our sales force has been more aggressive. 2. The weather has been unseasonably warm. The reason is that the ozone layer around the earth is thinning. If you would like to receive the FREE weekly tips by e-mail, contact tips@basic-learning.com and write "Sign Me Up" in the subject line. http://www.basic-learning.com |
Tip #227: Because of the number of "spam"
messages being sent out on the internet, many people have set up filters to prevent the "spam"
from being read. This causes a problem if you do it by e-mail
address. As an example, my husband received an e-mail from a friend from his high school years, and my husband's e-mail filter put it into the Trash folder. Luckily he always scans the Subject and Sender fields in his Trash folder before dumping it into the garbage. (He uses Netscape Messenger, but this method should work with any e-mail program). His method is to set up an e-mail filter so that all messages that appear to be not wanted get sent to the Trash folder. Then, once a day, review the Subject and Sender of all messages in the Trash folder not marked as having been read for important messages. ********************************************************* Weekly practice: Julie S. asked the following question. "Dear Gloria, My husband and I are having a disagreement over the use of "week-end vacation" and "vacation week-end." Is there a difference in meaning between the two? He says that "week-end vacation" is used to described a get-away or brief vacation that takes place over a week-end. "Vacation week-end", he claims, is used to describe the intermediate week-end that comes out during a vacation that extends over 10 days to two weeks. I say there is no difference between the two terms. What do you say?" Please tell me what you would say: ********************************************************* Last week's exercise: Rewrite the following sentence so it is clear and parallel: In Florida, where the threat of hurricanes is an annual event, we learned that it is important (1) to become aware of the warning signs, (2) There are precautions to take, and (3) deciding when to take shelter is important. Suggested rewrite: In Florida, where the threat of hurricanes is an annual event, we learned it is important (1) to become aware of the warning signs, (2) to take precautions, (3) to decide when to take shelter. If you would like to receive the FREE weekly tips by e-mail, contact tips@basic-learning.com and write "Sign Me Up" in the subject line. http://www.basic-learning.com |
Tip #228: Keep related words together.
Confusion
occurs when you do not place words correctly. Confusing: Call your friend in Georgia and tell her all about Sally's taking you out to the soccer game for just $10.00. Better: For just $10.00 you can call your friend in Georgia and tell her all about Sally's taking you to the soccer game. ********************************************************* Rewrite the following confusing sentences by keeping related words together: 1. We sent the brochure to four local firms that had three-color illustrations. 2. The first commercial human transplant bank opened Saturday with harvested lungs and kidneys from 18 people frozen in a stainless steel tank. ********************************************************* Last week's practice: Julie S. asked the following question. Please tell me what you would say: "Dear Gloria, My husband and I are having a disagreement over the use of "week-end vacation" and "vacation week-end." Is there a difference in meaning between the two? He says that "week-end vacation" is used to described a get-away or brief vacation that takes place over a week-end.
"Vacation week-end", he claims, is used to describe the
intermediate
week-end that comes out during a vacation that extends over 10 days to
two weeks. I say there is no difference between the two terms. What
do you say?" http://www.basic-learning.com |
Tip # 229: Prefixes such as "dis,"
"mis," "in," "un," "re" are
added to words without doubling or dropping letters. For example: Disservice Misspelled Innumerable Unnecessary Reelect ********************************************************* This week's practice: Shirley Tay asked this question: "I didn't know that too." "I didn't know that either." I'm confused. Which is correct? I've heard people using both. Please advise! ********************************************************* Last week's practice: Rewrite the following confusing sentences by keeping related words together: 1. We sent the brochure to four local firms that had three-color illustrations. 2. The first commercial human transplant bank opened Saturday with harvested lungs and kidneys from 18 people frozen in a stainless steel tank. ***** Yossi David's rewrite: 1. We sent the three-color illustrated brochure to four local firms. 2. Saturday marked the long awaited opening of the first commercial human transplant bank. The state-of-the-art facility has a stainless steel freezer tank containing the harvested lungs and kidneys from 18 people. ******** Nicola Welby's rewrite: 1. We sent the three-color illustrated brochure to four local firms. 2. The first commercial human transplant bank opened Saturday. It contains 18 people's lungs and kidneys frozen in a stainless steel tank. ******* Other suggested rewrites: 1. We sent the three-color illustrations to four local firms. 2. The first commercial human transplant bank opened Saturday with harvested lungs and kidneys from 18 people. The samples were frozen and stored in a stainless steel tank. ******* 1. We sent the brochure to four local firms that had three-color illustrations. 2. The first commercial human transplant bank opened Saturday with harvested lungs and kidneys from 18 people frozen in a stainless steel tank. ********************************************************* ********Announcement:******** I recommend a writing tool, StyleWriter, as an integrated software program for those who want to enhance what they have learned from my tips and workbooks. StyleWriter runs from within Word and other leading word processors to show you how to edit every sentence. It's just like having your own editor showing you how to cut the 25 to 30 percent of redundant words and poor writing habits from your draft. ********************************************************* "Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity." If you would like to receive the FREE weekly tips by e-mail, contact tips@basic-learning.com and write "Sign Me Up" in the subject line. http://www.basic-learning.com |
Tip #230: Here are some suggestions for
improving your resume language by eliminating unnecessary words. For example: Original: Assisted in preparation of Better: Assisted in preparing Original: Responsible for directing Better: Directed ********************************************************* Eliminate the following unnecessary wording: 1. Performed problem analysis and resolution activities via company help line 2. Functions performed included formatting and producing complex documents ********************************************************* Last week's practice: Shirley Tay asked this question: "I didn't know that too." "I didn't know that either" I'm confused. Which is correct? I've heard people using both. Please advise! Comment: The word "too" means "in addition; likewise; also." The word "either" means "one or the other of two." ******* Linda Chambers" comments: The word "too" is used for the positive (i.e., "I knew that too.") while "either" is for the negative (i.e., I didn't know that either.") ******* J. Boyle's comments: 1) 'too' add to the issue; e.g., I want to go, too (or also)................. 2) 'either' subtracts (or takes away) from the issue; e.g., Ann says "I don't want to go" (to someone's suggestion/proposal). Ruben chimes in (to Ann's comment) with "I don't want to go either"~ . ******* Victoria Macdonald commented on last week's tip: Your latest tip reminded me of my pet peeve - people using the word 'reoccur.' There is no such word in the dictionary. The correct word is 'recur.' ********************************************************* "Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions." If you would like to receive the FREE weekly tips by e-mail, contact tips@basic-learning.com and write "Sign Me Up" in the subject line. http://www.basic-learning.com |
Writing for Trade Publications | Active Voice | http://www.atozwriting.com
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