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While most people waste every second they spend in a restaurant because
they use that time to buy poison rather than food, let's assume you are
not one of those people.
More restaurants are actually including food fit for humans on their
menus, these days. In fact, such restaurants are becoming the rule rather than the
exception. And you can request sauces and dressings be "on the side,"
which is a polite way of requesting that those things come in a separate
dish so you can have the server remove them untouched later.
I developed some time-saving
restaurant techniques while working for an engineering sweatshop about
15 years ago and trying to eat lunch within the tight time limits they
allowed. Here are my tips:
- Go early. You are probably already aware of this one, but do you
do it? I eat lunch at 11:30, so I never have to wait on the crowd.
The other option is to go late. The "go late" option doesn't work
for dinner, because so many people do go late. So, an early
dinner is a time-saver but a late dinner usually is not.
- Make a precise reservation. You'll have to use the 12-hour clock
when you make your reservation (I wish we'd all go to the far less
confusing 24-hour clock). But don't make a reservation for 5:30.
Make it for 5:27. Now, when you arrive at 5:25, you won't have to
wait. Those schmucks who reserved at 5:30 will be waiting until 5:40
before they are seated.
- Chat only after everyone has ordered. When your server appears
and tries to get you to buy "appetizers," alcohol, and other
high-margin junk that destroys your health, you can say. "We'll skip
all of that. We're ready to order now." If your server has to keep
coming back to see if you are ready to order, you are going to have
a late-running meal.
- Order simple. Simpler food is better food, and it's also less
time-consuming to prepare. Many people think salads take a long time
to make. Typically, these are served from a large pre-made batch.
Ditto for soup. So, preparation time is minimal. This tip isn't a
major one. But things like baked fish, for example, do take longer
to prepare than something grilled.
- Ask for your check when your order arrives. The only reason not
to do this is if you plan to order desert. But if you are ordering
desert, you are already committed to spending time on dealing with
the fallout of poor dietary decisions. Let's assume, instead, you
care about your body. There is no reason to wait until you are done
to pay. Let the server handle that whole payment thing while you are
eating. Then, you can leave without having to sit around glancing at
your watch while you are waiting on the check.
- Tip generously. This is especially important if you plan to go
back there. You do get better, faster service if you tip well. Plus,
it's the right thing to do. Don't forget about the American Taliban's
ruthless policy toward restaurant help. These folks pay income tax
on tips whether they make them or not.
- Tip in advance. If you plan to tip in cash, set your tip out
before your food arrives. People have told me that's stupid--what if
you are poorly served? Try this, and see if you ever get poorly
served. It's not going to happen. Make the server happy before you
get served, and guess what happens to your level of service? And the
speed....
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