Rule 2: Confused People think There is Only One View Point

by Wayne C. Allen & The Phoenix Group, 2000

Confused People are aware of only one point of view: theirs. The Phoenix Perspective: there are many points of view and mostly they are equally valid. Ever notice how strongly people argue for their preconceived notions? A couple, for example, will be fighting all the time. No matter what the agreed upon topic, all fights are about one thing: who is right. No wonder nothing gets resolved.

The mature person recognizes that no one on this planet sees the world, or anything in it, exactly the same way as s/he does. Look at your hand, palm side toward you. You would describe it differently from a person sitting opposite to you. Same hand, different viewpoint. All conflict is like this. Same issue, different description. Each person collects information about the world. Each person decides how to sort, arrange, explain, understand and respond to that information. No two people can ever do this in exactly the same way. Therefore, there will always be difference of opinion over meaning.

Knowing that, why fight about it? Instead, learn to work with it. Know yourself. Examine the only belief system you have a chance of changing. Yours. Figure out why you make the decisions you do. Do you, for example, feel like a failure? Like your relationships are all dead-end? This is simply what you believe. If you argue that your present way of seeing and doing is the true, you imprison yourself in that belief.

The solution is this: Understand that your reality is exactly as you perceive it to be. Maturity is about comparing, without judging, what others know and do with what you know and do. Then you see that far from there being one way to do things, there are infinite ways. None better or worse than others. Simply ways that work, and ways that don’t.

Discard what does not work Experiment with what does. Ask questions and be satisfied with provisional answers. In truth, none of us knows anything for sure.

This week’s exercise: So, what did you learn last week? How many of the things you do are based upon a negative belief? What would it be like to decide that there are many points of view?

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Article © Wayne C. Allen & The Phoenix Group, 2000

This article reprinted with permission from the author, who is Wayne C. Allen, psychotherapist and corporate trainer. It originally appeared in Into the Centre.

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