Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget, by Dr. Marianne J.
Legato, MD, FACP|
Mark Lamendola, author of over 5,000 articles.
Diversity is great, but tolerance and understanding
are rare. Men often expect women to think and behave as men, and
vice-versa. When this doesn't happen, we can be impatient to the point of
rudeness. Women frequently assume an insult or indifference that isn't
there. Men are frequently miffed when women dredge up an issue we thought
was already resolved. The misperceptions can easily poison a relationship,
and often do.
But men and women are attracted to each other
precisely because we are different. We complement each other. Perhaps if
we understand in what ways we are constitutionally different, we'll not
only tolerate the differences but learn to enjoy them. This book provides
the means to take a giant step in that direction.
While the "why" of these differences is a matter of
philosophy, religion, and speculation, the "what" of them is becoming
increasingly clear. Dr. Legato reveals the "what" in a nonjudgmental
manner. As a physician, she's trained to analyze information and provide
healing advice--that's her perspective. This book reflects that, thus
making it a useful tool to anyone seeking to have healthy relationships.
We all are familiar with the sex-specific traits
that irritate and exasperate. Most of us aren't familiar with the studies
that show men and women process information with different parts of their
brains. We aren't familiar with the myriad other differences, and these go
all the way down to the cellular level.
This book begins with a scenario that sounds all too
familiar. It's a quarrel, and you can empathize with both sides as it
unrolls. Dr. Legato then takes us behind that quarrel, showing that
neither side intended anything negative. But the perceptions of negative
intention ran high.
If men can learn to say, "She's going to have these
expectations of me," we can prevent the kinds of arguments that drive us
nuts. Dr. Legato provides insight as to what those expectations might be.
Not that we men need to make a list. We just need to remember a few key
things, such as the fact that women are nearly always multi-tasking and
they hear and listen differently than we do.
If women can learn to say, "He's going to have his
own expectations and not see and hear things the way I do," they can also
prevent many of the arguments that drive them nuts. As Dr. Legato is a
woman and does not pretend to think like a man, she takes the female
perspective in much of her text. Personally, I hate it when someone with
expertise in one area just assumes expertise in another--so I found Dr.
Legato's intellectual honesty to be a real plus.
Part of her intellectual honesty involves looking at
things from the physician's perspective, and not pretending to
psychoanalyze the entire human race. So, we readers are treated to seeing
how the physical brain and the physical body affect our behavior, thought
processes, interpersonal communications, and other aspects of who we are
and how we relate to others.
But this necessarily opens the door to some other
issues, which she discusses in the last three chapters.
Chapter 7 discusses the differences in how men and
women react to stress, and the implications that has for us.
Chapter 8 looks at depression, and this information
alone justifies the cost of the book because most people who are depressed
don't know it and therefore don't do anything about it. Depression is
probably more the rule than the exception, though we typically think of
depressed people as folks on the verge of suicide. So we think that if
we're not feeling suicidal then we must not be depressed. That
misperception greatly diminishes our ability to function wholly and to
fully enjoy life. Get the book, and read this chapter first.
Chapter 9 touches on a topic that is, frankly, scary
to many of us. You've had those days when you can't find your keys, when
you jokingly refer to "having a senior moment," or can't remember a
friend's phone number. And you wonder, "Am I developing Alzheimer's?" You
may also wonder what's wrong with you these days, because you have once
again agreed to be in two places at once. As the frequency of these events
increases, our response goes from disturbing to alarming.
Understanding what is going on can help us cope. If
you're over 40, get the book for this chapter alone. Not only will it help
you understand your own situation, but it will help you be more patient
with your aging mentors and other important people who increasingly seem
to be losing the sharpness that once impressed the heck out of you.
A book like this doesn't come along every day. Nor
do we, as people, think much about why we have problems between the sexes.
Put these two facts together, and you have a solution to some of the most
vexing annoyances that plague us.
Form is important, as it dictates readability.
Fortunately, this book scored very well on substance and on form.
This book actually uses Standard Written English (SWE). This was a
refreshing change from the Pidgin English that so many of today's authors
slop onto our reading palettes. The care taken in writing this book shows
that the author and publisher actually cared about the reader. That's a